After a more than six week stand-off between three particularly power-hungry cats battling to claim the one true Vitamix-box throne, Greater Victoria’s best known “middle-aged lesbians” have finally obtained their blender.
Jessica Gerson-Neeves and her wife Nikii rose to international cat-owner stardom after their three cats – Max (sentient soccer ball), George Destroyer of Worlds (sentient potato), and Lando Calrissian (questionably sentient dust bunny) – refused to allow them access to their Black Friday purchased Vitamix.
The felines battled each other day after day to clock the most hours atop the glorious green and white box. Jessica and Nikii did their best to distract their cats with ice cream maker, shoe and soda boxes, but while the sentient beings may have shown some interest, they couldn’t be tricked into leaving their true object of desire. The $400 Vitamix couldn’t be beat.
Finally, the self-described “middle-aged lesbians” put out a plea to Vitamix, requesting that they send three empty blender boxes.
“Other cardboard boxes seem to lack the appeal of the Vitamix box, and since, much like your wonderful blenders, this stand-off seems to be Built To Last, we’re afraid that this may be our only way out of the situation in which we find ourselves,” Jessica wrote.
Surely, with a properly-branded box each, the cats would be content relinquishing control of the occupied one, the couple thought.
To their dismay – and the delight of about 53,000 Facebook followers – Max, George, and Lando were not fooled.
Of course, the couple has pointed out, they know if they really wanted to they could have extracted the blender. But, the stand-off has brought them, and thousands of others, far more joy during a difficult time than a well-blended smoothie ever could.
It wasn’t until Saturday, Jan. 29, precisely 46 days after the battle began, that Jessica and Nikii brought the saga to a close. Vitamix sent them a brand new blender, and this time the couple was fully prepared.
Carefully transporting the delivery into their home, Nikii held the box while Jessica used a broom-wielding arm to ward off the cats and a knife-wielding arm to slice open the packing tape. Their neighbour documented the affair.
Briefly set back by a second box within the first, the couple extracted their blender at long last and grasped it, arms outstretched above their heads, in triumph.
“Victory is ours,” they wrote in a Facebook post.
The achievement was soon celebrated with a blender-full of margaritas.
Max, George Destroyer of Worlds, and Lando Calrissian are also content. They remain enthralled with the original Vitamix, which they accurately know to be the one true box.
Do you have a story tip? Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and like us on Facebook.